First Victory!

I have been working out at the gym for a week now and I have lost:

2 lbs!

Yes, I probably could've lost more. But it took me a little while to really settle into my new diet. I have only been strictly adhering to my diet since Monday. (And I cheated and had spaghetti a couple nights ago! Someone smack me!)

I am still so very excited though! 2 lbs when I only worked out 3 days (one of those today), and I even cheated on my diet a little! Today I am feeling like this is so doable! I can beat this. I will wage this war against myself and food, and I will win. I will conquer!

Here I come skinny jeans!

These are thumbnails; click to view larger image.

Checking In!

I am so into this blogging thing! I actually look forward to being able to work on it. I will be a little more picture crazy... Not only with pictures of my pets but of my friends as well. I will try and keep them all organized in the other picture blog, but I will be sharing them some on here too.

Oh! I have something I want to share with all you! http://www.hungry-girl.com/ A friend of mine sent me the link on Facebook earlier and its adorable! I've already found a few recipes I am going to try.

Fitness

The diet and exercise plan is actually going really well. I'm still in the take off phase of the Ameri Shape plan, so my food choices are limited right now. Still, it's been easy to follow. I've basically been eating tons of fruit and grilled chicken. I hit the gym for my 30 minute workout on Monday and it was actually not so bad. I was a little sore today, but I think I will be fine for my return to the gym in the morning.

5 minutes on the elliptical was not nearly as hard as it was last week. In fact, for the last 30 seconds I pushed and went a lot harder than I had been the couple minutes before. It felt good.

I am quickly finding that I am liking the way I feel after I work out.

________

The BFF and my friend Haley will both be starting Nurse Practictioner school in August. I am so very proud of both of them! You two will do great! And Hay-Hay, I know this has been a rough couple of weeks for you, but it will get better :) You have a lot of people who love you.

The beginning of my picture sharing:

Dear Banana Pudding Ice Cream,

I had the best time with you this weekend! You are so soft and sweet. No one will ever be as delicious as you. It was just you and me, and a spoon. I glowed with satisfaction after our time together.

But baby, I think we need to see other people. You just aren't what I'm looking for. Please, don't be upset! I wont be seeing any other flavors of ice cream either. You are the only flavor for me.

You are perfect just as you are. You should never change a thing! But darling, I wear our love for each other on my hips.

It isn't you, it's me. I'm moving on from your sugary sweetness. I may dream of you, yearn for your touch again... But I am moving on for good! My hips will no longer bear the evidence of your taste.

We will see each other sometime I am sure. On rare occasions and only for brief quickies, just the smallest dab of you in a midnight rendezvous! But now I must be strong.

Just know that I will always love you.

Love,
Katie

You mean... I actually have to sweat?

I mean it, holy crap!

My first session with the trainer was completely unreal. We started out with 5 minutes on the elliptical, and by the end of that I was already ready to curl up into the fetal position and weep. I am so not kidding.

It wasn't just because all the muscles in my legs were burning, it was because of the epiphany that struck me in that moment. Bear with me here while I try and explain this. I have been talking about losing weight for literally, years. I was suppose to lose weight for my BFF's wedding, for this summer, for two Christmases ago, for the summer 3 summer's back... etc. I have been saying it and saying it.

Well, it was finally enough last month. I made my husband promise he would help me. I sat down and made this blog. I have watched my portion size for a few weeks now for breakfast and lunch. I researched the best way for me to go about this... I joined this Ameri Shape program last week and was super super motivated.

I am a creative person. Stories live in my head. I make up dramatic movie scenes in my head, think of the flowing flowery text that would describe that scene if it were in novel form. Naturally, I had pictured this journey in my heart and mind. I had created this story of struggle and overcoming obstacles.

45 seconds later as I huffed and puffed on this unforgiving machine, I got a sense that this will not be the glorious, easy, heavenly-light cast down upon me journey that I had pictured in my head.

Thus the inner wailing began.



The Actual Workout-

The trainer I met with today's name is Amy. She was actually super sweet and really supportive. She had a laid back personality, and though I didn't test it, I got the feeling that she definitely had a spine of steel if she needed to use it. She was not going to let me quit. The one time I looked at one of the machines in doubt, she shook her head at me and said, "I know you think you can't, but you can. You'll surprise yourself. Now get on it." You know what? I could do it! And the smile she sent me when I got it right was really nice.

Forgive me, but I do not know all the names of the machines we used, nor did I count the actual number. I know that some people read this blog to see if they want to join the Ameri Shape program when it starts back up next year. I will be more detailed after I get finished with my next work out, but we really were done in 30 minutes.

My starting off weight is officially... *drumroll* - 259.0

Typing that made me cry a little. It's hard to admit that it's really that bad. Officially that bad. The good news is that is less that I weighed the last time I went to the Dr. about a month ago. I am going to try and get a start off picture tonight, even though pictures of myself make my skin crawl.

What am I here for?!

The Goals

-To lose at least 100lbs, preferably 120lbs

-To overcome my camera phobia. I'm too fat to be in pictures with my friends and family.

-To feel comfortable, and look good, in lingerie. (So sorry to any of my family that reads that. Scar you for life!)

-To look nice in a dress at church.

-To not have aching ankles because they have too much weight on them.

-To wear sleeveless tops!

-To have my skinny self photo shoot!


The Numbers

I have to be honest and say that the numbers really don't matter to me. There isn't a certain weight that I think I have to be at. There isn't a certain size I have to wear, though I had orginally told some friends that I'd like to at least be in a size 12 by Christmas. I am not even sure if that is realistic or not. The time line in which this all happens isn't really all that important to me though. But I'd like it to be sooner rather than later.

In my head, I have 140lbs as a goal weight, which I think is 5 lbs over my ideal weight. I will worry about that when I get there. I have a long way to go.

Why Today?

So why am I blabbering about this today. Tomorrow beings Phase 1 of the Ameris Shape program for me. I will begin their 15 day take off. There is probably going to be a lot of grumpiness on this blog for the next couple weeks!

I want to go into this with my goals visualized. I picture myself posing with the BFF in a picture and not being terrified of what the little digital screen will show when we turn it around. And I picture my husband scooping me up against him, and I actually feel small and feminine rather than like a walrus. Yes. Walrus.

My weekly numbers will start on Sunday! I will have my starting weight tomorrow because I am officially going to track it with the gym scale. It all kicks off for real and forever at 11am in the morning.

Let's hear it! Go Katie! Go Katie! Go Katie! (will continue to chant this in her head!)

Hitting Rock Bottom

I do not believe that hitting the bottom can be defined as a singular event, or it wasn't for me. It was several things together. The first was shopping for a swimsuit this year. But it wasn't what you would think. I actually found an adorable swimsuit. It is black with white polka dots and baby pink trim, and I have earrings and a head band to match. The fabric is slimming and it has great bust support. So actually, I feel great being out in the suit.

So how was this involved in the rock bottom? It was when I looked in the mirror the first time I put it on. I actually went, "Wow.. I don't look so fat." Feelings I had long since forgotten flooded through me in that moment. I could remember being younger and thinner and what it felt like to get dressed up to impress a boy. The way it felt to walk out of the house with a strut.

Then there was shopping for clothes. I was sitting in my house shopping online, because I hate shopping in plus sized stores. Why do the people employed in plus sized stores always have to be skinny? I mean really... Can't they have at least one big girl behind the counter that will smile at you in empathy? Rather than the sympathy you get from the skinny cashier girls? You pay attention the next time you are in a plus sized store... skinny staff. Anyway. I was shopping online for clothes and had found all these plus sized sites. And I was just looking at these images of these jeans and thinking.. "They are so big. My butt is really that big?" I didn't order anything from them, I just couldn't do it.

I think the final event was my vacation to the beach last month. I had fun, but I just can't have as much fun as my thinner friends. My BFF was asking me if it was okay to book a condo in a crowded area because she knew how uncomfortable I am to be out in public in a swim suit. She shouldn't have to be like that. God bless her for being so sensitive to my feelings, but how bad is it when I am terrified of what people are thinking when they are looking at me. I don't care if half the people on the beach are fat like me. I am younger than most of them and surrounded by all my beautiful friends. I'm the fat friend!! Someone somewhere has probably labled me that before. I hate the thought of that. I wish I could just shrug it off and not give a crap about what people think of me. But I do care, and I can't change that.

Rock Bottom has stretched for most of the summer I think. I have wallowed in feelings of tiredness, ugliness, unworthyness. I have looked in my husband's eyes and actually apologized for not being the hot wife he deserves.

I'm sick of the bottom.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I have motivation. Let me just give an Amen to that. I have motivation. I have a plan and gym rats that are going to kick me in the behind if I don't stick to that plan. I can see light as I climb up from the bottom, and it's so pretty!

Ameri Shape Weight Loss Program

I just received a call from the Ameri Shape representative. They are running a 36 week weight loss program at my local gym. It's going to be about $50 a month for a diet plan, fitness coach and unlimited access to the gym.

There's got to be some kind of catch!

I am going in the morning to meet with them, so we'll see!

Santa is watching me.

Why is it so easy to slip up? Is it just way too easy to be bad? Or way to hard to be good?

I have reached a new level of motivation after reading some of the posts on priorfatgirl.com. She has a kick in the butt way of inspiring, especially on the article where she talks about how she found success.

I am still a newbie on this blog scene, but I dream of having those kind of results. I yearn for it! I am so going to work out right after I finish my blog readings this morning! Maybe you should go work out too!

Side note - Thanks to my husband's family for viewing this blog. Well you're my family too since I share your last name now, but you know what I mean.. the people he was born into!

Have a great day everyone!

Photo Page!

Okay, I wanted a way to put up a lot of photos and comments, and to maybe to mobile uploads without cluttering up this main page... So I made a separate blog!

There is a button to the right that says Photos! on it. That is the 2nd blog so you don't have to follow both of them. I already have up pics up the pets for all you animal lovers!

Photos.
k59gzdex2s

Welcome to Katie's Brain!

Checking in today! Well I don't have a scale yet, but I've been using the one in the mall and I have lost 8 lbs so far. I cant tell a difference yet! I am going to go stalk through Walmart here in a little while until I find one, dangit!

Today is my dedication to my blog day. I have already told my husband that I am going to stay home and figure out how to do a pretty blog. Because you need to see pictures of my puppies and stuff like that, right? Right?! You will like the puppies even if I have to stuff them down your face!

Ahem. I think I will be sending out links of my blog to my friends and family today. A little scary. It's like, they don't know this side of me. They may know I am overweight, but I do not admit that I am and we don't talk about it. I avoid family gatherings so they won't see how large I have gotten.

How sad is that? I miss out on events because I am ashamed of how I look.

Hmmm. This post turned a little more serious than what I was shooting for. Oh well! I promised myself I would be honest on this blog, and that is as honest as it gets!

Blog Makeover time! Everyone have a good day!

Bad Blogger Girl

Did you think I forgot about you?

I haven't! The sicklyness that I mentioned before has lingered for over a week now.

But I've thought about you a lot as I've been coughing my lungs out. We have some things to talk about. Yes we do. It's gonna get serious in here. There's going to be some heavy stuff thrown at you here. Sometimes it will be happy, sometimes it will be sad... sometimes it's going to be gross, awkward, maybe even steamy. But its going to be out there and I will have to deal with dealing it out to you.

(Btw, where can I find a cheap scale? The only one I could find was like $80! Do they really have to cost that much?)