Goodbye, my little ninja.

This is a horribly difficult post to make. We lost out little man this weekend.

Marshal was a complete joy to have. I am so thankful to have had him for this year and a half that we have. He was hilarious, and affectionate. He was my little warrior. There was never a strange person or dog that he felt he could not conquer.

I am going to miss you so much little buddy. I will miss you bringing me your favorite toy of the moment into the bedroom first thing in the morning and dropping it by my face. I will miss your little mischievous growl when you were wrestling with Maddie. Thank you for all the happiness you gave in your short life.

He never knew what happened. He was defending the house from a vehicle coming up our long drive way and never knew that it hit him. I am so thankful it was quick. My little warrior died being the courageous defender he always was.

It will be a few days before I blog again. There are a lot of pictures of my little man on here and it really hurts to look at them.

The Post Off The Wagon Weigh In

I lost another pound!

No, I have no idea how that happened either. Last week was filled with all kinds of cheating and being lazy.

But hey, I'll take it. :)

My husband's birthday is on Thursday. He will be turning 24! He is 6 months younger than I am.

He and I will be doing some work on our other house this week, getting it ready to sell. I probably wont be blogging a lot this week.

Even though my weight hasn't changed much, most of my friends have told me that I look a lot slimmer. Not sure if it's muscle weight or something that is keeping my weight from changing, but I'm happier with looking thinner.

And besides that, I can tell a big difference since I started working out. I can run up and down stairs more easily, I have a lot more energy during the day... and (family members shield your eyes) I have been, how shall I say it? ... Attacking my hubby in the bedroom. Just pouncing on him and demanding some sweaty, flip you around all over the bed and standing on your head even though you'd never do it any other time kind of marital relations.

I can't wait to see what more weight loss will bring!

Okay okay... I confess.

I have been horrible this week. HORRIBLE. I have only worked out twice, and for supper every evening I've ate crap. Arby's, Guthrie's... Even pizza one night!

I don't know what has been wrong with me this week. I haven't really felt like doing anything. I haven't straightened my hair or anything, I just keep on letting it air dry and flipping it up in a pony tail.

My doctor and I have had a few talks about clinical depression. I have talked with miss Jogging Auburn about this a little in email (Who is doing great btw, she is getting closer to that mile! ♥). I've been told by a couple of doctors that I have clinical depression. I really don't know how I feel about all that. I recognize when I am exhibiting symptoms. This week was definitely a bad week symptom wise.

But I'm not really sure that I want to go the Western medicine route on this. I do not want to be dependent on anti-depressants. Do not get me wrong here, I believe in anti-depressants. I have several friends and plenty of family that take them or a medicine similar to them. They work for them, I'm happy that it does and encourage them to continue with it.

I just think that since I've never started taking anything, even though I was prescribed some last year, I do not want to start. I am not the most knowledgeable person medical field wise, though I have been working in it for a long time. I really think the shifts in my mood are more hormonal than anything. Which will change drastically when I shed some weight.

There were a couple of really bad years for me. I cannot believe I will bring this up since I do have some family that read this, but I am in the confessions type of mood. The BFF can attest to those couple of bad years. I really didn't have much to do with anyone. I went to class, then went back to Micah's apartment. He worked two jobs then so I could literally stay at his apartment until 10ish every night completely alone. And that's how I wanted it.

I can even remember sitting on his couch with the T.V. on plenty of nights, but not really seeing what was happening on the screen. I would just sit there and look at the T.V. for hours without comprehension. I would wait for him to leave for work so I could be alone.

And that's horrible. I have always been deeply, irrevocably in love with him. But I just wanted to be alone.

I probably really really needed to be on some drug therapy during those long months. I hate it because those were suppose to be some of the best years of my life. It was right after I had gained so much weight when my PCOS finally reared its ugly head. I simply was not myself.

I was lost.

BUT. The good news is that I am nothing like that now. Still fat, but you know... I'm happy. Really. Sure I wanna be thin. I want to wear cute clothes. But I am still happy as I am now.

I get bummed sometimes, like this week. It's like being in a cloud for a few days. I'm not sure if anyone can understand that. It's like I'm there, but not really there. I can't find motivation for anything. But I come back out of it. Micah and the BFF are really good at picking up on these phases now and shake me back out of it.

Happier Topic!!! Laurell K. Hamilton responded to me on Twitter!! I screamed like a little girl! It went something like this:

I noticed one of her tweets said:
LKHamilton Most of the morning was talking myself out of cool scene that led nowhere. Just beacause it's cool doesn't mean it belongs in the book.

So I responded:
KatieBell28 @LKHamilton Would be cool if you could do a collection of "deleted scenes" like they have for movies on the dvd! ♥ Merry Series!

And she replied:
LKHamilton @KatieBell28 I've contemplated deleted scene book, but it be so random not sure it would make sense. Besides sometimes I can recycle scenes.

Eeeeeee! I LOVE Laurell K. Hamilton. She is probably in my top three favorite authors. Even if she only responded to a silly little tweet of mine, I am so stoked! (for those of you that have never read LKH, she is a horror/fantasy writer. There are a lot of sex and gore in her books, so don't run out and get one if you are easily offended!)

.... You know, I told myself I would try and not make such long posts. Ahh well. Will do better next post ;)

Drop Dead Diva

I am a member of a couple of different weight loss communities and I'd seen people mentioning the show Drop Dead Diva. After hearing the jist of it, I was somewhat leery. This show could easily be riddled with fat jokes and scenes of hissy fits over having to wear "grandma panties". Yet I noticed a couple of positive comments and decided to DVR it just to see what's up.

And... I love this show.


Brooke Elliot portrays Deb/Jane. The running plot line is that Deb was an aspiring actress/model who was about to be engaged into a totally dreamy and successful lawyer. (More on him in a minute.) As she is on her way to audition to be one of the Prize girls on The Price is Right, she is killed in a car crash. As she goes to the pearly gates to be judged whether she has been good enough to go into heaven, she is judged as being neither bad nor good. She is a zero, and Fred, who is her afterlife guide, starts talking about how she is the only true zero he has ever seen. Deb reaches up and hits the "return" key on his keyboard while he is talking and she is suddenly sent back to earth. Instead of returning to her old self, however, her spirit is sent into the nearest vacant vessel. Deb is suddenly now Jane, a very intelligent and somewhat hefty lawyer. She has Jane's body and her intelligence, but all of Deb's memories. Fred is demoted for the incident and sent to earth to babysit Deb/Jane, calling himself his guardian angel. Thus Deb begins on this surprisingly refreshing and amusing journey to discover the meaning of inner beauty. Brooke Elliot is a very strong actress. She easily makes you giggle with her girly antics, yet can just as quickly bring you to tears.


Jane's poignant stares at the hero in this series will make your heart ache for her. Jackson Hurst portrays Grayson Kent, who was about to propose to Deb. Grayson does not know that Deb has returned in Jane's body and comes on as a new lawyer for the firm that Jane works for. He speaks of Deb with Jane often and they are beautiful scenes. Jane refuses to tell him what is happened because she is convinced that he would never want to love her looking like she does now. These two are both talented actors. Plus that and, Jackson is just completely dreamy. That makes this show even better!

Kate Levering plays another lawyer at the firm named Kim who is a very aggresive type. She obviously has her sights set on Grayson and is a rival of Jane's, often trying to steal the spotlight from her as they compete for partner. Levering does a wonderful job making you love to hate Kim and wanting to shoo her away every time she gets anywhere close to Grayson!


Another noteable performance on this series is April Bowlby, who portrays Deb's best friend Stacey Barnett (Barnett was my maiden name, so double plus for this show!). Bowlby portrays an almost perfect ditzy blonde model, but gives the character a lot of heart at the same time. You find yourself actually liking Stacey despite the fact that she can be just a tad snobby. At first Stacey tried to get Jane to lose weight, but eventually confesses that the newly intelligent Deb/Jane will leave her behind because pretty is all that she can do.

Margaret Cho plays Jane's assistant Terri and is hilarious. When she was hitting on the ex prisoner in last night's episode I was giggling like a teenage girl.

The only complaint I have about this show is Fred. The character has so much potential but he is barely present! Ben Feldman is adorable and charming and Fred could be such an interesting facet to the storyline if he only held a smidge of power. Yet Fred has been rendered to a human like state and is mostly occupied by his crush on Stacey. I hope that more is planned for Fred in the future!

The show has so much heart! There are so many little quirks that are just adorable, such as Jane getting a massage in this week's episode and bemoaning the fact that her new body is too ticklish for massages. It is a show about inner beauty, not just about being overweight.

And there are a ton of guest stars planned for this season. Paula Abdul, Rosie O'Donnell, Delta Burke, Liza Minnelli and Hilary Duff are all supposed to be featured in this season.

The show comes on on Sundays at 9pm ET on lifetime. DVR it, right now!

______________________

So now that I've promoted the heck out of my new favorite show, let me add some updates about me really quick! Workouts are going just fine! I've been working on increasing the length of time I spend on cardio. I weighed today and I'm still at 257. I think I probably gained a pound back over the weekend because I was down to 256.2 on friday. So we are going to report no change for this week, for weight. But I am finding that all of my clothes are looser anyway and I was able to wear a shirt to church yesterday that was just a little too tight when I first bought it.

No huge changes yet but I am keeping at it!

BTW, I saw The Ugly Truth on Friday night. I'll leave you with this thought:

Gerard Butler is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Pics of the day!
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Ex's..

Okay, this is more of a random thought than anything. It really wont be long enough to qualify as a post, but important enough in my head to not just tack it onto the end of the next one.

Have you ever seen an ex of yours and instantly thought, "Thank God I did not end up marrying them!"?


Btw, ex's of mine, if I talk to you now, then I do not mean this about you. If we do not communicate, if you do not feel our past connection means enough that we should still hold some semblance of friendship, then maybe I do mean you. O:-)

Totally Tuesday

Tuesdays have always been my favorite day of the week and I really am not sure why. Maybe because it means that you have gotten past Monday, but there is still all the hope of the week to come. Yet the appeal of Friday cannot be denied, it is the last day of the work week yet the beginning of the weekend. But! I also realize the value of Sunday. Sundays are lazy. I like lazy days. It's the only day I don't feel obligated to accomplish anything except getting up and putting my face on and heading to church. Then there are those wonderful, cuddled down in the bed and snuggled up to the hubby Sunday afternoon nap/dose fests. The best are when you don't actually sleep, you just sort of drift in and out of that sleepy void.

Have you ever taken a step back and thought, "Wow. I'm living in a soap opera right now."? I have. Right now in fact. Though oddly enough, my own little life holds very little drama, it is the drama of everyone I hold nearest and dearest. I am playing the supporting character in this certain phase. I'm certainly okay with a supporting role in the light of all these situations. Got a younger brother who is having a baby with his even younger girlfriend... this anticipation of wedding vows is a no-no in the way the both of us were raised. Nothing you can do about that now except roll with it though. So I'm just going to be excited that I am going to be an aunt! I think my parents are slowly settling into the idea of being grandparents, they just had to adjust to letting their church family know it was an out of wedlock child.

Remember, I live in Alabama, part of the Bible Belt.

Then I have a best friend who has had some serious significant other issues. Cheating and what not. When you care for a friend that much, you feel like you are going through it with them.

Weight Loss: I have been to the gym 2 days in a row! It seems I gained a couple of ounces back over the weekend, but I'm not that worried about it. Though I have decided that I am changing my weigh-in day to Mondays. So I'll wait until Monday to post my next weekly weight. Workouts are getting easier to finish and I'm actually enjoying my gym time.

BTW! I just accidentally figured out that if I hold CTRL and scroll in on my mouse... firefox zooms in! Is that not fantastic? I am probably the last person to realize this, but I was amazed. I zoomed in and out for at least 5 minutes making little "woooOOOO....WOOOoooo" noises.

I hope everyone is enjoying their week! And can you believe I have over 20 followers now? It's awesome. I never thought I'd have over 5 or 6!

I'll dedicate this post's photos to me and my only sibling, who is about to make me an aunt!

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Here Comes The Pain!

Or something like that. My plan for the week is to workout Monday-Friday. Every day.

I will more than likely be very grumpy on Friday. Hehe.

So I said several posts ago that I would talk about my Poly cystic ovaries syndrome. I think you and I have gotten to know each other well enough that I can share some of these horrid details. If there is a condition that is worse for a woman to suffer from (that isn't life threatening), I do not know of it.

Reasons that PCOS sucks:

• There is a chance that I will never conceive naturally.

It takes away the ability to fulfill that primal, instinctual urge that most women feel. And when I do decide to have children I will more than likely have to take fertility treatments, the same kind that Kate from Jon & Katie + 8 took! I might be the next Octomom!

• Weight Gain.

When I hit 18, I ballooned up 80lbs. I have added onto that as the years have passed. It makes losing weight a lot more difficult because of the whacked up hormones. And I have mostly gained it on my belly and waist, so I have a "beer gut".

• Man hair. Yes, man hair.
  

I get whiskers, real whiskers. As if a double chin isn't bad enough, add some man whiskers onto it. That's attractive. And it isn't just facial hair, my body hair has gotten darker and longer as well. I'll be Werewolf Girl soon.

• Skin Tags.
  

My neck and under my arms are speckled with skin tags that have come up in the past few years. They are so annoying! And I know they are fairly easily removed but I am afraid that it will hurt, and I'm a wimp.

• Dark Skin Patches.
  

I get areas of dark skin on my ankles and in between my thighs. Try to be sexy with that going on!


PCOS = The Unfeminine Syndrome. I am slowly turning into a man. I've been told that the hormonal changes shouldn't have this effect, but I find myself with a shorter temper than I might have had in years past. Sometimes I react to things like a man would.

Birth control pills and Metformin help keep all these things from getting worse, but they really haven't done much reversal in symptoms.

So all you people who thought I was fat just because I sit on the couch eatin tater skins, that's not true! My diet has never been "bad". I am not a junk food junkie. It's been mostly hormonal for me.

This is a battle against mother nature as much as it is a test of will. I have to work just a little harder to shed this weight.


So now that I have completely grossed you out and you will never look at me the same way again! Let me continue my photo sharing of the people I love the most.

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Jen at priorfatgirl

I know that most of the people that read my blog already read priorfatgirl, and she needs support from her fellow bloggers. She lost her mother in an accident last evening.

http://www.priorfatgirl.com/