You mean... I actually have to sweat?

I mean it, holy crap!

My first session with the trainer was completely unreal. We started out with 5 minutes on the elliptical, and by the end of that I was already ready to curl up into the fetal position and weep. I am so not kidding.

It wasn't just because all the muscles in my legs were burning, it was because of the epiphany that struck me in that moment. Bear with me here while I try and explain this. I have been talking about losing weight for literally, years. I was suppose to lose weight for my BFF's wedding, for this summer, for two Christmases ago, for the summer 3 summer's back... etc. I have been saying it and saying it.

Well, it was finally enough last month. I made my husband promise he would help me. I sat down and made this blog. I have watched my portion size for a few weeks now for breakfast and lunch. I researched the best way for me to go about this... I joined this Ameri Shape program last week and was super super motivated.

I am a creative person. Stories live in my head. I make up dramatic movie scenes in my head, think of the flowing flowery text that would describe that scene if it were in novel form. Naturally, I had pictured this journey in my heart and mind. I had created this story of struggle and overcoming obstacles.

45 seconds later as I huffed and puffed on this unforgiving machine, I got a sense that this will not be the glorious, easy, heavenly-light cast down upon me journey that I had pictured in my head.

Thus the inner wailing began.



The Actual Workout-

The trainer I met with today's name is Amy. She was actually super sweet and really supportive. She had a laid back personality, and though I didn't test it, I got the feeling that she definitely had a spine of steel if she needed to use it. She was not going to let me quit. The one time I looked at one of the machines in doubt, she shook her head at me and said, "I know you think you can't, but you can. You'll surprise yourself. Now get on it." You know what? I could do it! And the smile she sent me when I got it right was really nice.

Forgive me, but I do not know all the names of the machines we used, nor did I count the actual number. I know that some people read this blog to see if they want to join the Ameri Shape program when it starts back up next year. I will be more detailed after I get finished with my next work out, but we really were done in 30 minutes.

My starting off weight is officially... *drumroll* - 259.0

Typing that made me cry a little. It's hard to admit that it's really that bad. Officially that bad. The good news is that is less that I weighed the last time I went to the Dr. about a month ago. I am going to try and get a start off picture tonight, even though pictures of myself make my skin crawl.